Sometimes life takes rather interesting turns. The unexpected comes and surprises us with a gift. Such is what happened to me about a month ago. I had a chance to find out if I had really forgiven someone. Not just forgive them but invite them back into my life. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing but it isn’t always easy. My theory is that it may be less complicated to forgive someone you have no chance of seeing again because there is no risk of being hurt again. Since they are not coming back into your life, you don’t have to make the choice of letting them back in so, essentially, there is no risk. However, it is a trickier matter when they do come back into your life and you decide to let them back in.
After all, aren’t you in a very real sense risking being hurt again to let them back in?
That is the situation I found myself in about a month ago. It all started with a letter. A simple letter filled with a heartfelt apology. Now the letter didn’t request contact, in fact it stated quite clearly they had no expectation of contact. They were making the effort to make amends, no matter the outcome. So much went through my mind reading that letter, the most surprising thing was whatever anger, hurt I thought I still had was gone. I didn’t hold it against them anymore. Somewhere along the way, I had let go of the past hurt and moved forward. My heart cracked open and all I could feel was joy. My spirit felt lighter and I couldn’t grab pen and paper fast enough. In that moment, I had only vague memory of the pain but could only remember the gifts and benefits that the friendship had brought into my life.
All this isn’t to say that I didn’t have a doubt or two in the back of my mind. I didn’t make the choice to let this person back in to my life unconsciously. It is just that when measuring the pros and cons, the pros far outweighed any doubt I may have had. It was also a reminder that life is like the spiral I talked about in my previous blog. Here we are on another turn of the spiral. A new opportunity to bring all the wisdom and gifts from our previous turn on the spiral forward with the intention of creating something better, deeper and stronger than before.
Yes, there is always the risk. The risk of being hurt again, the risk of having it fall apart. In my experience though, it is only when I risk what may be dear to me, that I fully reap the rewards. Sometimes the risk pays off and sometimes it doesn’t. I think the big difference is what I have mentioned in previous blogs, awareness. I go into this with eyes wide open and with my heart wide open too. That was a state of being I had no awareness of previously. I am looking forward to see what difference it makes as I go forward on this part of the journey. Every turn on the spiral teaches a lesson, offers its own unique wisdom. The only job any of us has is to simply allow ourselves the journey.